Loss And Release

I love animals and I love sharing my life with them. Dogs, cats, horses, hamsters you name it I have had a number of significant relationships with my furry friends.

This story takes place in 1999 where over the course of three months I lost all of my five cats. They were all less than ten years old and I am not certain what happened to any of them. This happened following my separation from my ex-husband.  It is needless to say that I was utterly devastated and heartbroken. I couldn't understand why this was happening. My pain led me to make the decision to not have any more pets.

One day in meditation one of the cats appeared to me and said: Open your heart, there are plenty of wonderful beings in need of a good home, please let them in. Our contract was up after your husband left (a most challenging relationship), we were there to support you during that time, now move on.

I was very moved and took the advice to heart. A week later I adopted Lily and Murphy from the pound. I was very protective over them, tried to make sure that they always stayed close to the house and that they came in before dark. Murphy, an orange tabby never went far and followed us around like a little puppy. Lily, on the other hand was a wild child, very independent, always on the run. I lived in constant fear and anxiety over their wellbeing. Fifteen months later one evening I couldn't find Murphy. Freaking out, I searched for three hours, eventually locating him lying under the car dead. Two red dots were the only traces left of the baby rattler that must have gotten him. I sobbed and grieved allowing my heart to close, vowing that I couldn't deal with that kind of loss.

This time Murphy's spirit showed up, asking me to give some other cat a chance. I made it my quest to open my heart again and I went to the pound. Daisy came home with me the following week. Lily was so furious that she moved out for six months. No coaxing in the world could get her back in the house.

Daisy was a happy kitten for two weeks until she fell ill. Taking her to the vet it was determined that she had Distemper, a usually fatal disease for cats. My heart told me to have her treated. Miraculously she survived.  Lily also was alive and well despite having lived outside in the mountains for six months. One day I received the clear message that if somebody is meant to be safe they would be, if it is their time to die, I had to learn to let go. Some things are just outside our jurisdiction.

It's ten years later and Lily and Daisy are both healthy and happy and with me. My anxiety gone for I have learned to trust their journey and I am happy to be able to travel with them

The Hallmark Relationship Illusion

If you were given the task to write down what a mother-daughter, romantic, sibling, friendship relationship should be, you would most likely have no problem outlining the basic qualities. If you compare your notes with reality, how many relationships fall short of what you think they should be?

Most people have a romantic (hallmark) version of relationships that they use to measure reality by. Whenever that standard isn't fulfilled one either is disappointed, hurt and uses possibly punitive towards the other party, or it could build up internally as insecurities (I am not enough, I am not loveable etc.).

Now let's look at relationships as a classroom, no two marriages, friendships, parent-child relations are exactly alike. Each classroom is set up for very specific lessons.

 i.e. your mother might be an enemy from a past life, both of you being given a chance to find forgiveness this time around, the partner that is so different from you might have been contracted to teach you unconditional love and to let go of romantic expectations.

Letting go of the notion of what a relationship should be is the important first step.

Recognizing that what ever is manifesting in your life is perfect for your soul evolution, which can be very different from ego gratification.

Now take a look at what is the truth about a current relationship. Write down the basic qualities that are present and ask, what could be some possible lessons here?

Are there strong emotions present, that can't be explained through circumstantial evidence this lifetime? If so, you are most likely dealing with a karmic component.

Karma always seeks to resolve itself. Forgiveness, willingness to take responsibility for one's own journey and lessons, and the ability to let go of responsibilities that are not ours to carry are some of the tools that can be helpful to resolve and reshape ourselves and relationships with others.

At times guilt or abandonment issues might make us create relationships where we have to give a lot more than we receive. If that is the case the key is within, it is not the other person's job to start to give more, when you have a big stop sign on your aura.

So dare to take a step back and investigate what you have in front of you. That is the best way to start to resolve, learn and move on from any internal and external dysfunction

The Importance Of Art And Objects In your Life

One of the services I offer is house clearing. Over the last fifteen years, I've had the opportunity to visit hundreds of homes and properties from one-bedroom apartments to mansions and everything in between noticing over and over again that physical esthetics and energetics don't always go hand in hand. That means you could have beautiful handcrafted antique with horrible energy attached to it. Therefore, I suggest looking at your environment from at least two different angles.

1. Do the items in your house physically reflect who you are and how you want to feel?

a) Are there any items from your past that continuously remind you of an ex, not allowing you to move forward? In that case, consider getting rid of them or at least moving them into storage for a while.

b) Pictures and paintings can have a strong impact on how we feel. Look at colors and images and determine if they are support or block the vision and goals you have for yourself and your life. Allow yourself to remove things, even if they are cool or somebody you like very much gave them to you.

c) Clutter, like every good Feng-Shui book will tell you, should be eliminated. Objects that we neglect and no longer cherish can create a major energy suck on your environment. Do yourself and them a favor and release them back into the flow, so they can find a new home where they are wanted.

2. Pay attention to the energetic reality of objects.

Sometimes objects pass all the obvious inspections, yet something about a corner of a room feels heavier/darker/ more uncomfortable than it should.

If that is the case examine things closely, possibly remove all the items and put them back one at a time to determine which one(s) is/are carrying the energetic pollution.

If nothing lifts the issue, it's most certainly that the energy of the house or the property is off. The good news is most things can be cleared. The first important step is to recognize when an energetic clearing is necessary, for you want to provide yourself and loved ones with the most supportive environment at home (unless of course you have some unresolved guilt issue, or other lessons to learn).

And as always, have fun while doing so, you can learn a lot about yourself and the world from the comfort of your own home, simply by paying attention and rethinking/examining your choices.

P.S. I will discuss energy clearings further in a future blog!

Food for Thought About Food

Dealing with food has been a challenge for me this life.

While I was in college, I finally was free to make my own choices and escape the often times heavy cuisine of meat and potatoes of my parental home. Inspired by one of my raw-vegan friends I decided to become a vegetarian. I lived on trail-mix, fruits, veggies, wholegrain pasta, brown rice, granola, tofu and cottage cheese I was a very happy camper. A couple of years passed pretty uneventfully, health wise until I found myself developing a bad case of Acne, the likes of I hadn’t had since I was thirteen. I caught more and more colds and experienced constant bloating and indigestion. Despite excessive workouts, I couldn’t develop good muscle tone. I added tons of supplements to my diet without avail. I stayed on the same diet for another few years until finally my system totally caved in. Every time I ate something the nausea went through the roof. My skin was a mess and the overall fatigue made a regular trip to the supermarket almost impossible. Numerous doctor visits and $8000 worth of blood tests later, I still didn’t have a conclusive answer. Finally I ended up at a chiropractor, who also works with nutrition and kinesiology. The result: I had a bad case of Candida, was severely protein deficient, was highly allergic to dairy, soy, nuts, sugar (including fruit) and all grains. The only things my system would tolerate would be lean meat and green veggies and supportive supplements. I chose to comply. My energy returned, my skin cleared up, my immune system strengthened and I felt better then I had in years. Some of my food allergies have lifted, but I still can’t have grains. Meditating on why Vegetarianism wasn’t for me this lifetime, I was shown that I had built a strong belief as to what kind of diet was appropriate for a spiritual life, I was reminded that Divine Spirit is connected to anybody anywhere regardless of form. Ooops! Caught again in spiritual assumptions and arrogance.

Side Note: I once met a Native American Chief once, who replied to an audience member's criticism of how his tribe could face themselves as they still ate meat by saying: “Just because you don’t hear the carrot scream, doesn’t mean it doesn’t.” 

Dress Your Soul Not Your Ego

Most people I have worked with myself included, have chronic weak spots also referred to as Achilles-heel lessons. These are the ones that can get very tedious, for it might take a lot of time and application, to change the symptomatic patterns.

One of my weak spots has been to make peace with worldly/physical-manifested things. I used to be a real spiritual snob rejecting everything that was too dense and superficial and visible to the naked eye. That was certainly a very interesting evolutionary phase, that caused a lot of problems i.e. an eating disorder (the soul should be light as a feather), depression (feeling trapped in an unsuited reality), feeling misunderstood by my human peers who dared to superficially enjoy worldly matters etc. As you can imagine, I wasn’t a very happy camper. One day while meditating I was shown this image of everything being part of divine creation, including physical reality. A wave of shame and embarrassment surged through my system ultimately prompting me to come up with some exercises to make peace with manifested reality.

One of my favorites is called ‘dress your soul, not your ego’. Every morning I meditate on what the soul feels like (color, fabrics, look) wearing that day, another creative way of self-expression.  It has been a lot of fun and at times it provides clues about aspects of self, past lives lived, that might have gone unnoticed otherwise.

Here are some steps to see what your soul might want to wear:

1. Approach it as a game, to make it safe give yourself permission to reject any outfit you channel for yourself.

2. Meditate:

a) in general on outfits that fit your soul frequency, even if they include items you don't have in your closet yet

b) on the specific outfit for the day/occasion

Here are some clues what to pursue. Is your soul looking for comfort? Do you want to increase/decrease brightness in colors, feminine/masculine expression? What colors speak to you? Are you expressing your creativity, sensitivity, humor and individuality through your clothes? Do you feel drawn to the fashion of other eras/cultures? If yes, find ways to incorporate them into your wardrobe today.

Do you have clothes in your closet that don't resonate with you? If so, have the courage to let them go otherwise you'll feel insecure every time you wear them.

c) Play dress up and observe your emotions. When you look in the mirror you should have a sense of looking at your real self, not you pretending to fit into a certain part of society.

d) Remember that one doesn't have to loose ones soul expression, while still being dressed appropriate for an occasion, individual expression can be added to any style.

e) Some of your soul's suggestions might seem scary or far out in the beginning, again have fun with it, and examine where the discomfort stems from? Then integrate items as you are ready to show the world your true self.

What's Your Motivation?

One of the questions I keep coming back to in my own process as well as in my work with others is 'what is the motivation behind the action?'

You may wonder why motivation is so important.  Well, very simple, if you are not clear about your motivation, your action and therefore reaction can easily distort/disrupt your reality. Let's say you are giving somebody a gift, the action in itself is clear, it could be fueled by love and appreciation for that person, or you might wish to have them owe you something, or you want to be appreciated and loved yourself, or perhaps your want to make them feel guilty for not having gotten you a gift for your birthday. So you see the undercurrent in this seemingly harmless transaction could be quite powerful. Depending on what your motivation was, you might be angered/disappointed if you don't get the response you were looking for.

For myself that is a question that I often return to, especially if a situation leaves me feeling dissatisfied in any way. This works for smaller circumstances as well as the larger questions in life.

A few years back I was thrown off by the Universe/God/Divine Source asking me what I wanted, I was so used to marching orders at that point, that the question really threw me off. After a couple of years of meditating on what it was that I wanted I realized that I had to examine the source of my motivation first, because you may want things for ego/instant gratification, setting goals to prove a point, ambition, fear, revenge, healing, evolution, love, compassion all of these and more can be strong motivating forces behind our actions.

I prefer to choose motivations like love, personal evolution, healing, balance as my motivators these days. When I smell something else, I clear it first before continuing to the next action.

The Only Way Out Is In

This is my last lifetime on earth, isn’t it? The hopeful, desperate or arrogant attitude that accompanies that question in many sessions says it all. If you have to ask and you are so hell bent to get out of here, the answer is 99.9% yeah, no. Sorry!

I spent quite a few lifetimes sitting on my packed suitcases, expecting the gates of heaven to open at any moment, somebody on the other side realized that there had been a terrible mistake and whisked me away to an intergalactic spa. Pointless to mention,  it didn’t happen. The rude awakening happened in form of a voice whispering:

“The only way out is in!”

“What do you mean?”

Silence!

“Hello, what does this mean? In where?”

Silence!

Silence!

Silence!

(Don’t you hate, when that happens?)

Finally figured out, that I had to clear up my very smelly karma and go inwards in order to qualify for departure. Still busy composting:)

And remember the Universe has plenty of time, no need to make any rash decisions on this one, unless your butt hurts from sitting on those darn travel trunks for too long.