Loss And Release

I love animals and I love sharing my life with them. Dogs, cats, horses, hamsters you name it I have had a number of significant relationships with my furry friends.

This story takes place in 1999 where over the course of three months I lost all of my five cats. They were all less than ten years old and I am not certain what happened to any of them. This happened following my separation from my ex-husband.  It is needless to say that I was utterly devastated and heartbroken. I couldn't understand why this was happening. My pain led me to make the decision to not have any more pets.

One day in meditation one of the cats appeared to me and said: Open your heart, there are plenty of wonderful beings in need of a good home, please let them in. Our contract was up after your husband left (a most challenging relationship), we were there to support you during that time, now move on.

I was very moved and took the advice to heart. A week later I adopted Lily and Murphy from the pound. I was very protective over them, tried to make sure that they always stayed close to the house and that they came in before dark. Murphy, an orange tabby never went far and followed us around like a little puppy. Lily, on the other hand was a wild child, very independent, always on the run. I lived in constant fear and anxiety over their wellbeing. Fifteen months later one evening I couldn't find Murphy. Freaking out, I searched for three hours, eventually locating him lying under the car dead. Two red dots were the only traces left of the baby rattler that must have gotten him. I sobbed and grieved allowing my heart to close, vowing that I couldn't deal with that kind of loss.

This time Murphy's spirit showed up, asking me to give some other cat a chance. I made it my quest to open my heart again and I went to the pound. Daisy came home with me the following week. Lily was so furious that she moved out for six months. No coaxing in the world could get her back in the house.

Daisy was a happy kitten for two weeks until she fell ill. Taking her to the vet it was determined that she had Distemper, a usually fatal disease for cats. My heart told me to have her treated. Miraculously she survived.  Lily also was alive and well despite having lived outside in the mountains for six months. One day I received the clear message that if somebody is meant to be safe they would be, if it is their time to die, I had to learn to let go. Some things are just outside our jurisdiction.

It's ten years later and Lily and Daisy are both healthy and happy and with me. My anxiety gone for I have learned to trust their journey and I am happy to be able to travel with them