Most of us carry a fair amount of unresolved trauma in
regards to love relationships.
The way we have loved in the past has left us heartbroken
when the person of our affection died or abandoned us.
Why?
Because we tend to give parts of our heart away and we
attach our future expectations, our happiness, our fulfillment and our
completeness to the loved one. We give up our vertical alignment that keeps us
firmly rooted in Divine source and replace it with a horizontal alignment
firmly rooted in our love relationship. When the space between you and the
other person gets altered, it is natural that we not only lose our balance, but
also part of ourselves. These kinds of break-ups are so painful that it leaves
the system in a state of shock and trauma. If the wound isn’t properly treated,
it doesn’t fully heal. Imagine a broken bone that wasn’t properly set into
place when it grew back together, it can deprive you of regaining the full
range of motion of your arm or leg. Now add a few centuries of losses and
break-ups to the mix; the heart becomes more and more distorted, closed down
and our natural response is a fear of love and closeness.
We develop all kinds of coping mechanisms that make us leave
people before they have a chance to leave us. We avoid souls that we fear could
play a major part in our lives. We sabotage relationships, push people away and
create drama, especially in the early stages of a new relationship, just to
avoid another train wreck.
This kind of behavior is understandable, of course, but may
I point out, you are choosing fear over love. It’s a free-will Universe, so you
can continue to choose from that place of fear and trauma as long as you like.
Or, you can choose to start the healing process for your heart and find the
courage to choose love again.
Here are a few pointers:
1. Instead of giving parts of yourself away when you love,
imagine your heart as a vessel that love flows through. As it flows through
you, you get replenished. The divine realms freely give love to you and it’s
your job to learn how to freely love others. (Also read post “How do you
Love?”)
2. Heal your past trauma! How? There are many different
avenues. Remind yourself that every relationship experience is a classroom
designed to bring you a step closer towards enlightenment and an ability to
stand on your own with proper vertical alignment. Figure out your soul’s
lessons within traumatic experiences.
It’s harder to heal when we hold onto the notion that love
isn’t safe.
3. All the souls you have ever loved and those who have loved
you are never truly lost to you. Allow yourself to connect to them via
meditation. Use your heart chakra
as a starting place. Sit quietly and ask your spiritual guides and Divine
Source to allow you to feel/be shown all the soul connections that are still
alive.
4. Get your soul pieces back! The heart as vessel needs to
be complete in order to function properly. If too many pieces are missing, we
tend to be more needy and flowing energy and love through our heart will have a
spaghetti strainer effect. Sometimes we miss the parts of ourselves lost more
than we actually miss the person or the relationship. Check out the post
“Clearing Manual” to learn how to ask for soul pieces back.
5. Learn to distinguish between true love and obsessive emotions.
A lot of times, I find that people call all kinds of strong emotions love. Really check if you love the person or
if you are looking to control and own them. If you truly love, you will have
their best interest at heart, which means you will be able to love them with an
open palm policy. Allow people around you to be free. If you are meant to be
and stay in a relationship with them, it will happen.
6. Remember: Every production on planet earth will ultimately
be a wrap! Even if you meet the right person and share 50 great years together,
one of you will most likely die first. Making peace with loss, which is a part
of life, allows us to choose love over fear! You don’t want to shut out one of
your favorite souls just because they died on you in a past life, do you?
7. A new love will defrost parts of the heart that haven’t
been healed or lived in for a while. That’s what makes powerful, new relationships
scary and often prompts us to withdraw. Sooner or later these parts will have
to be healed. Don’t blame the soul you love because they play the part of the catalyst for the defrost you are
going through and the discomfort that you’re feeling. Instead put things in
perspective, look at this situation as an opportunity and remind yourself that
they’re just old wounds ready to be healed that spike your fear and discomfort.
In case of doubt, get yourself professional help before you sabotage another
relationship!
One thing I know is that ultimately we all live to love and
be loved. The sooner you find the courage to heal and to choose love over fear,
the more fulfilling the journey will be!
